15th February 2018

Satirical Examples

To my dearest darling, womanizing, insincere and temporary love,

You are my first and last love of this kind. I feel our relationship is special. That I can flirt with you, I mean love you, without any attachment or expectations gives me this elated freedom. You have removed for me all deep and holy meanings attached to this once precious four-letter word, (having replaced it with another four letter word!). In the virtual and fickle affair we have going, I am learning to be objective about our emotions, or the lack of them. I am indebted to u for having taught me to love what I once mistakenly saw as nothing but perversion, female exploitation and chauvinism. In my blindness, I would have escaped your libidinous affections and be forever doomed to a chaste existence. I now realize that these manly and exceptional qualities you possess are what makes me the luckiest woman on the face of this corrupt earth. The fact that you have selected ME, from among the hoards of promiscuous women fighting for your carnal attentions, to serve your sexual pleasures to the best of my lowly frigid capabilities, proves to me how endowed with energy and passion, I mean compassion, you are.

What is self-respect, virginity and purity of the soul, when I can live an exciting concubines life by your bedside, in your car, or wherever thou shall want me! What is an eternity of repenting and punishment in the fiery inferno of hell, when I can be blessed with a life of debauchery! What is commitment, undying love, and loyalty, when together we can break down the shackles of social decorum and venereal disease control!

The world shall call me a tramp, lewd and wanton, but oh, a single seductive glance from you shall wash away the remains of my conscience, and forever shall my depraved soul be bound to yours. Even through the darkest dungeons of hell, I promise our everlasting love will burn fiercer than the fire roasting us alive.

I promise my dear love sick puppy, to be yours forever or whenever you command, and to commit myself to Viagra addiction if it so please you. I promise not to whimper or feign suicide when you run off with other undeserving women. I promise not to ask when you forget to pay me.

With my knowledge and your lack of it, we will battle all obstacles, fight antibiotic resistance, monogamous marriage laws, pornography censorship and other hollow ideals of morality.

It is only these tears of desire which mar this incomplete expression of my thoughts, that can truly express the intensity of my love for you. Thank you for choosing me, and for allowing me to release the repressed evils existing within my once purposeless soul.

Darling, I desperately await your lustful reciprocation of my humble and true love.

Your love-slave.

Respond now!

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